Today is March 1st 2013. I have been planning this day for at least a month. It's the day I begin my search for myself. I know I am inside this body somewhere. I am safely behind bags of chips, bowls of ice cream, orders of fries cups of soda and bites of bread! I have been on a weight loss-gain roller coaster for years. I have probably lost over 300 pounds over the past 10 years...and gained it back..but mostly I have lost sight of what life is all about. Up until right now this very minute, my life has been about food. That's about it. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing life, I am married to the perfect man for me. I am mom to 6 extraordinary kids. My life is good. But somewhere over the past twenty years I have lost something. I have lost a piece of me, maybe two or three. they are pieces that give my life meaning, drive and enjoyment. I think they might be called hobbies...all I know is that for a long time the only thing I have done for fun is eat. One week ago I celebrated my 46th birthday, (okay who am I kidding, what I mean is that I have been celebrating for at least a week!) First I celebrated with candy...it was the only thing that looked party-ish at the gas station I snuck away to while I was at a weight loss seminar all day. For reals! I spent the entire day at a weight loss seminar....is that kharma or what? The next day I celebrated alone with a cup of frozen custard, when I was supposed to be at the weight loss seminar. Then I celebrated with friends, Emily, Lindsay and Ice cream. Then I celebrated with Chocolate and then with pie because someone actually gave me something for my birthday i had to eat them!! Then I celebrated out to lunch with a huge sandwich and not one but two cookies! Notice I didn't say I celebrated with friends even though they invited me, arranged it and paid? How twisted is that? All I remember is what I ate! Then I celebrated with pie again because, yes, someone gave me another. I have been stocking up on a bunch of garbage foods for months because I am getting ready to start a program of healthy eating....really smart. Have you ever done that? Okay, don't answer that. I feel like a diseased person. I know it isn't normal thinking, unless one is sick. The illness is called what? Addiction, obsessive? I don't even know. Thing is I do know! I know better. I know better than anyone how to eat and live healthy. For crying out loud! My husband runs a weight loss clinic!!!
(deep breath) note to self, calm down!
So here I am putting my soul on a blog in black and white. To hold my feet to the fire so to speak!
So how am I going to do this? That's the easy part. I am going to follow the word of widsom or in other words, I am going to follow a program of eating vegetables in season, eating whole grains, just brown rice for now, and eating lean meat SPARINGLY. I will detail the journey and the program as I go. As of today, i am going sugar free. after I get back home I will start the program.
